Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
