Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
