im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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