I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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