The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
