Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
