Your mouth is God's brothel.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
