yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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