The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
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