but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
