You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
