think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
