Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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