I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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