my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
