lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize