Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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