By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
