my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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