Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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