grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
