i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
