If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
