are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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