i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
