brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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