And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
