Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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