He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
