fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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