Define "chronic" masturbator.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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