New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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