there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
