Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
