im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
