When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
