As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
