you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
