I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
