Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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