i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
