It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
