i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
