How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
