I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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