He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
