ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
How does it feel to date your dad?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
