I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
