I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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