So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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