Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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