There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
