u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Tornado booty call.. dedication
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
