You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
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