I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
