During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
