my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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