im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
