it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
