i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize