I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
