i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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