I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
