i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
they need to just BURY HIM!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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