I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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