Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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