just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
