i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
