I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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