All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
